Found via Violet Blue at TinyNibbles.com. Charlie Glickman is one of my favorite sex educator/writers because he consistently explains topics and issues that I have failed to find the wording for. What he discusses in this article is how normal guys can change their approach when requesting intimate moments with their partners. A lot of guys are mistakenly perceived as invasive, creepy, demanding, etc when really they’re just trying to be honest and ask for what they want. This particular discussion is my favorite part of the Cuddle Party rules (and lessons). It’s a fine art when someone can express to another their desires without putting an expectation on it. It’s the expectation that makes the other person feel uncomfortable. I hope with more life experience I will become more adept at making requests with a fully loving heart, and able to recognize and bear witness to others making this unfortunate mistake.
“Gays and lesbians are not allowed to legally marry. Gays and lesbians are not allowed to openly serve in the military. Gays and lesbians are not protected from being fired for their sexual orientation across all 50 states. None of these rights and protections exist on a federal level. So, then, why are we so surprised when teens pick on gay kids? When a government says it is OK to discriminate against gay people, kids think it’s OK to hate them. All politics are personal, and nothing is more personal than being treated like a second-class citizen.”—Dorothy Surrenders: Make it a better place (via sexisnottheenemy)
“Walking around an adult toy store, where male masturbators are labeled with sexy women and clit stimulators are labeled with sexy women, I get the eerie feeling that I’m not supposed to exist. My body is, but me, the part that would rather look at men or butch women? Pfft. Men desire, women are desired, and looking at an idealized version of yourself through male eyes is the sexiest thing a woman can hope for.”—
This is why I appreciate gay male erotica so much! So much yummy man meat to feast my eyes upon! I would love to see more inclusion of men in hetero-focused pornography, and not just their cocks - their whole person! We definitely need to exorcise the sexist assumptions of society and the adult erotic entertainment industry by supporting and voicing our preferences.
Violet Blue recently asked her readers “What does sex-positive mean to you?" At the time, I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I didn’t. Tonight, while completing the required reading for my graduate level abnormal psychology class I read a couple phrases that cemented my personal definition of what it means to be sex-positive.
"Socially transmitted negative attitudes about sex may interact with a person’s relationship difficulties and predispositions to develop performance anxiety and, ultimately, lead to sexual dysfunction… Unlike other disorders discussed in this book, one surprisingly simple treatment is effective for a large number of individuals who experience sexual dysfunction: education. Ignorance of the most basic aspects of the sexual response cycle and intercourse often leads to long-lasting dysfunctions."
- Barlow, D. H., & Durand, V. M. (2005). Abnormal psychology: An integrative approach (4th ed.). Belmont: Thomson Wadsworth.
Our society teaches us maladaptive beliefs and behavior patterns regarding sex, and consequently, our children grow up to be dysfunctional in their sexual expression and relationships. Being sex-positive means knowing and embracing that sex is natural and an important part of life. When we try to hide sex behind fear and judgment, ignorance and anxiety breed dysfunction, which causes dissatisfaction and even suffering. All of which can be reversed with education. It’s so simple! For me, being sex-positive means I understand the value sex has in my life, in everyone’s life. I believe education regarding sex is important for people of all ages and I discourage reinforcement of damaging preconceptions and stereotypes regarding sex.