I found a post I started and never finished way back in April 2010. Frolicon 2010 was a very pivotal point in my life and my personal growth. It was at my first con, my first weekend of adult parties and classes, that I realized I was a faker. Here is what I wrote (unedited):
"It was brought to my attention over the course of my weekend at Frolicon and in conversations afterward that I come off as a slut - willing to have sex with most anyone, without much discernment for who or what. And that is absolutely not true. Between the panels I attended and the conversations I had with dear friends I realized quite a lot about myself - who I truly am, and how I present myself. Subconsciously I’ve been trying to push more feminine characteristics in an effort to earn attention and appreciation (again!) to the point of being uncomfortable. Also, apparently, I’ve been expressing only one side of my sexuality and hiding a much greater part. This had led to close friends perceiving me as a very different person than who I truly am."
I’m proud to say that I believe I am far more authentic in my expression and appearance, now, a year and a half later. I make much better decisions too, and I am confident in them for the right reasons. Frolicon 2011 was an even more beautiful, joyous, and nourishing experience where I celebrated my new found pride and confidence in my freedom to be me - the REAL me - the me I feel inside. In the year and a half since Frolicon 2010 my social circle and support network has grown by leaps and bounds. I don’t doubt for a second that is partly because I am embracing who I am and rejecting society’s expectations of who I should be based on my biological sex. My 29th birthday is coming up in less than a month. I’m approaching my 30s and haven’t accomplished half of what the teenage me expected of myself. On the flip side, I’ve accomplished and learned far more than the teenage me ever imagined could have been possible.