Posts tagged communication
Posts tagged communication
Aggie hits it out of the park again. If you’re solo poly, non-primary, or primary in a couple, triad, or other…. Heck, if you’re a living, breathing human being who talks to other people, read this.
Hearing your voice makes everything better. <3
~I feel the same My sweet pet.
Smile, laugh, giggle, all the above. :)
Oh, and wet, did I mention that one?
Exactly how I feel about my beloved pain slut =P
I want to save this link to send to every new poly person and couple who asks me, “how do we start?” or “what went wrong?” So much of this I’ve learned through the difficult experience of making these mistakes, and my partners making these mistakes.
Especially this part:
Honesty is another core value of polyamory. It’s not just about everyone knowing and consenting to multiple overlapping intimate relationships. At a more basic level it means having the courage to be honest with others — up front, in a forthright manner, volunteering important information and context, not waiting for new partners to figure it out for themselves.
In any relationship, everyone involved deserves enough information, early enough to decide for themselves whether or how to proceed.
This is especially important when it comes to owning up to your potential downsides.
In order to be this honest with your non-primary partners, you first must be honest with yourself, and with your existing relationship partner(s). Extremely honest. This also requires courage, because this is the part that can get awkward or embarrassing.
I’m so enjoying everything Aggie has said in zir blogs and so much resonates with my feelings, thoughts, experiences.
Reid Mihalko’s formula for how to have Difficult Conversations - article available here
This came across my path at a particularly good time. I’ve used this formula (just now) to write up a plan for a conversation I need to have. Haven’t had it yet, but I’m feeling much better now that I have an idea of how to approach this difficult, scary, intense conversation with my loved ones.
I’m really enjoying this entire series of videos and have found lots of helpful advice.
Romance for the Rest of Us by Reid Mihalko and Cathy Vartuli - are you a cat or a dog in your approach to romance?
I figured out that most of the time I’m a cat (other times I’m very much a dog), and one of my partners is definitely a dog. This has been a major disconnect in our relationship and part of why we “downgraded” our relationship to fuck buddies rather than romantic partners.
Reid Mihalko on Handling Mean People - great tips for communication and empathy. I wish my previous partners knew these tricks, many would be very helpful in dealing with me in times of distress.
From a conversation many many moons ago -
“What do you want me to do for you Mistress… I’ll do anything you want”
“I want you to clean my floor naked.”
“No seriuosly.. you name it I’ll do it.”
“I said I want you nude on your hands and knees cleaning my kitchen floor.”
“I want to serve you just tell me what you want?”
“I did tell you that’s what I want from you.”
… and it went downhill from there and the gentleman walked away, sexually frustrated and with no Mistress because he was an idiot.
This message is for that ‘one that got away’… This is what I wanted from you - you limp-dicked good-for-nothing worm!
I’ve had many conversations on the internet with these types of guys - I call them wankers. They claim limitless submission to me, but in the end they only do what they want to do and manipulate me into doing what they want to do. I have no interest in these kinds of people - selfish manipulators - as friends or otherwise. I’ve learned how to pick them out within the first 10 minutes of a conversation, and sometimes on sight if we meet in person. People: if you’re only interested in certain types of play, have the decency and respect to communicate that to a potential play partner. Makes life so much more fun and enjoyable for all!
(Source: at-her-feet, via )