Loves of a Sex Geek

Sex-Positive Counselor

Posts tagged intimacy

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Reid Mihalko’s formula for how to have Difficult Conversations - article available here

This came across my path at a particularly good time. I’ve used this formula (just now) to write up a plan for a conversation I need to have. Haven’t had it yet, but I’m feeling much better now that I have an idea of how to approach this difficult, scary, intense conversation with my loved ones.

I’m really enjoying this entire series of videos and have found lots of helpful advice.

Filed under relationships connection communication fear intimacy

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I don’t believe in NRE. What people call NRE is actually IFE — intimate focus energy. The giddiness, excitement, high-nourishment state is not caused by novelty, and does not have to dissipate with time….I cannot be in a romantic relationship without IFE, not because I’m “just in it for the excitement”, but because I value that intimate focus, and I know it can be created any amount of time into the relationship.

I know a few ways of creating IFE, and I hope to learn more. Here are the ones I know so far: Keeping the other person in my thoughts — considering their desires and needs when deciding what to do, talking to them often, trying to make plans for intimate time with them often. Practicing intimate time — time with lots of eye contact and focus on each other and on the connection between us (not just on external issues, though sharing external struggles can also build intimacy). Practicing conscious touch — touching/kissing with total focus on the other person and attention to their responses/desires (yes, even after you can predict what they will like! that focus serves more than one purpose!). But I think it all boils down to practicing sustained awareness of the other person.

Belenen on her livejournal: http://belenen.livejournal.com/502835.html

Filed under relationships intimacy polyamory