Loves of a Sex Geek

Think it. Feel it. Fuck it.

Posts tagged polyamory

9 notes &

There is no one standard approach that works for everyone in terms of expressing love, and we’re all in a constant state of flux in terms of where we are with our personal growth, our desire to reach out or withdraw, and our intimate relationships.

The term polyamory, however, seems to describe an attitude rather than a set of behaviors, and for that reason I have found that I’m comfortable with it. It emphasizes the way an individual thinks and feels rather than a prescribed way of behaving, allowing the freedom for each to find their own way of expressing the love that they feel…

But I’m also a romantic at heart, something I know isn’t true of everyone—although there are plenty of us in the world. Not the roses-and-chocolates type of romantic. No, I’m the more dangerous, intense kind—the romantic who longs to merge body and soul with the beloved and swear eternal fidelity. Part of me has always wanted that deeper, longer, journey with another, where you learn to weather the storms together, share the joys, understand each-other deeply and grow together. I’ve always valued that journey of expressing and deepening love through a shared commitment with a significant other. I’m drawn to that ‘deep dive’ into the chaotic—yet constant—world of long-term intimacy.

And so, in my world, these two forces have to co-exist—my ability to love openly and freely, and my desire for that deeper journey… Polyamorous monogamy?…

A few years ago the description would have been different, as I’m sure it may well be in the future again, depending on how my road through life twists and turns. My heart is definitely polyamorous but my choices about how to express that nature is colored by the others I exchange love with, and my journeys with them. Not everyone wants to share love in a demonstrative or sexual way, for many reasons. And there are times when it doesn’t feel right for me to do so either. And then there are times when it seems to be exactly what the moment is asking of me and what fits with my circumstances.

Freya Watson (via nothingimpossibletoyou)

(via allthechocolatesinthebox)

Filed under Polyamory commitment Romantic Love nonmonogamy

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Solo Poly/Single People: Please participate in this survey!

AggieSez is one of the awesome new(ish) bloggers on the polyamory scene over at, quite possibly my favorite blog at the moment. She’s working on writing a book with Lily Loyd about nonstandard relationships: “relationships that are somehow off society’s standard relationship escalator norm: strictly monogamous, lifelong cohabitating partners (married or equivalent, perhaps with kids) or relationships that are clearly progressing toward that goal.” She put together a survey seeking first-person experiences and data for the book. She’s had a great response so far but needs more data from people who aren’t part of a primary couple. So if you’re poly and aren’t primary partners with someone else, please consider adding your voice to her (anonymous) survey!

Filed under polyamory solo non-primary relationships nonstandard

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Poly in the Prairies: A problem I ran into.


So, what if you’re ready to take the next step in one relationship, but another partner isn’t ready for you to? What if you’ve been waiting for a long time already? When does that cross the line from something you patiently wait for, to something you ask for again? What if you get another negative…

I’ve been on this road for a few months now. We’re patiently waiting. At this point though, I’ve decided that I’m ok if we don’t make it there (Emotionally, everything is exactly where I want it. It’s simply the sexual aspect that isn’t quite where I’d prefer). Anybody else out there have a personal perspective/experience you can share?

(via allthechocolatesinthebox)

Filed under polyamory poly

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New holy grail link for Poly advice

I want to save this link to send to every new poly person and couple who asks me, “how do we start?” or “what went wrong?”  So much of this I’ve learned through the difficult experience of making these mistakes, and my partners making these mistakes.

Especially this part:

Honesty is another core value of polyamory. It’s not just about everyone knowing and consenting to multiple overlapping intimate relationships. At a more basic level it means having the courage to be honest with others — up front, in a forthright manner, volunteering important information and context, not waiting for new partners to figure it out for themselves.

In any relationship, everyone involved deserves enough information, early enough to decide for themselves whether or how to proceed.

This is especially important when it comes to owning up to your potential downsides.

In order to be this honest with your non-primary partners, you first must be honest with yourself, and with your existing relationship partner(s). Extremely honest. This also requires courage, because this is the part that can get awkward or embarrassing.

I’m so enjoying everything Aggie has said in zir blogs and so much resonates with my feelings, thoughts, experiences.

Filed under polyamory honesty communication negotiation learning