Posts tagged polyamory
Posts tagged polyamory
Recently a poly friend observed, “There are no secondary people. Be careful how you treat everyone in relationships.” …Fine, but how do you actually pull that off? Where’s the list of what to do?…
Important, and this issue has come up recently in my personal life.
AggieSez is one of the awesome new(ish) bloggers on the polyamory scene over at Solopoly.net, quite possibly my favorite blog at the moment. She’s working on writing a book with Lily Loyd about nonstandard relationships: “relationships that are somehow off society’s standard relationship escalator norm: strictly monogamous, lifelong cohabitating partners (married or equivalent, perhaps with kids) or relationships that are clearly progressing toward that goal.” She put together a survey seeking first-person experiences and data for the book. She’s had a great response so far but needs more data from people who aren’t part of a primary couple. So if you’re poly and aren’t primary partners with someone else, please consider adding your voice to her (anonymous) survey!
As a solo poly person and a non-primary partner, I completely understand the effect couple privilege can have on a person. I’ve made a few small decisions on a personal level that are my effort in combatting couple privilege but change won’t happen without the help of everyone in the poly community.
“Polyamorous people are committed, devoted and love their partners just as much as monogamous people. The agreement is simply different.”
Wow. I love love love that. [source]
Been trying to convince my closed-minded father of this truth in my life for a long time. I suspect he might finally understand. There is hope!
Polyamory is NOT just about the sex, and it’s abhorrent to me that people who struggle to be accepted as loving, caring parents in our society would cast such vitriolic condemnation on us, too. Why can’t we all stick together and fight as one for equal rights and acceptance? What’s so wrong about equality for ALL?
So, what if you’re ready to take the next step in one relationship, but another partner isn’t ready for you to? What if you’ve been waiting for a long time already? When does that cross the line from something you patiently wait for, to something you ask for again? What if you get another negative…
I’ve been on this road for a few months now. We’re patiently waiting. At this point though, I’ve decided that I’m ok if we don’t make it there (Emotionally, everything is exactly where I want it. It’s simply the sexual aspect that isn’t quite where I’d prefer). Anybody else out there have a personal perspective/experience you can share?
I want to save this link to send to every new poly person and couple who asks me, “how do we start?” or “what went wrong?” So much of this I’ve learned through the difficult experience of making these mistakes, and my partners making these mistakes.
Especially this part:
Honesty is another core value of polyamory. It’s not just about everyone knowing and consenting to multiple overlapping intimate relationships. At a more basic level it means having the courage to be honest with others — up front, in a forthright manner, volunteering important information and context, not waiting for new partners to figure it out for themselves.
In any relationship, everyone involved deserves enough information, early enough to decide for themselves whether or how to proceed.
This is especially important when it comes to owning up to your potential downsides.
In order to be this honest with your non-primary partners, you first must be honest with yourself, and with your existing relationship partner(s). Extremely honest. This also requires courage, because this is the part that can get awkward or embarrassing.
I’m so enjoying everything Aggie has said in zir blogs and so much resonates with my feelings, thoughts, experiences.
Be who you are. Love who you love. “Stolen” from LGBT News on Facebook